Wait
by atypicalsnowman
Summary: SS/LM Over the years, Lucius keeps allowing Severus to walk away.


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the world in which they live.

A/N: Thanks to thesewarmstars for the beta. This was originally posted on SeverusSighs for WhiteCotton's birthday. It was my first attempt at writing Lucius in a favorable role and I found it a very surprisingly pleasant experience. I'm a Snarry girl at heart (big time) and it was interesting to dabble in another pairing—if only for a ficlet.

* * *

The first time Severus left was the night before Lucius' wedding.

" You can't do this," he said, the twist of his face accentuating the harshness of his features in a most displeasing way. "This isn't you. This isn't—"

"This has nothing to do with me, Severus," Lucius said cooly in response. "This is simply the way of the world." He took a sip of his drink and crossed his legs. "And I, unlike you, live in the world."

Severus gritted his teeth and turned towards the window that faced the gardens. With his back turned, Lucius allowed himself to be wistful, to study and memorize the line of Severus' back, his rather scrawny arse and the way his shoulders tensed when he was angry.

He was a perfect specimen of masculine beauty, and Lucius allowed himself a brief moment to mourn giving him up.

"This isn't right. I—"

Lucius cut him off before he could make any declaration they'd both regret later. "You'll move on. Find someone else. Someone who wouldn't have to give up everything in order to be with you."

Severus' hair swirled as he quickly turned around. "That—" But whatever he was going to say remained unsaid as he lowered his head and turned away from Lucius again. "She's a stupid, inbred cow, Lucius, and she doesn't deserve you."

Lucius realized he should probably defend his fiancée, that the slight against her should anger him, but it didn't and so he merely titled his head in response.

"This is what has to be, Severus. I need an heir and aside from that, my reputation would be ruined if I were to associate myself with a man."

"With enough courage, you could live without a reputation," Severus sneered and Lucius knew that to him it really was that simple. Though 'Prince' was an old name, it carried none of the prestige that 'Malfoy' did, and there no fortunes or titles for Severus to pass down.

Lucius sat in his chair and took another drink, wishing Severus could understand, yet knowing that both youth and class forbade it.

Suddenly, there was a sharp movement and Lucius lifted his head in time to see Severus walk towards him, stopping abruptly in front of his chair, as though asking him silently one last time to reconsider.

He didn't and allowed his eyes one final glance on Severus' beloved face.

Knowing that to delay would only make this more difficult, he said, "We can't all be as..._courageous_ as you, Severus."

Black eyes hardened, and Lucius knew Severus heard the slight. With a sneer, Severus turned around and left the room, the smallest of pauses in his steps as he slammed the door, as though he was giving Lucius one last chance to ask him to stay.

Lucius said nothing and contemplated his drink.

* * *

The second time Severus left was the evening before the Final Battle.

He slipped into Malfoy Manor undetected and somehow made it all the way to the study before Lucius realized Severus was there.

"Lucius," Severus whispered from the shadows and he stood up and removed his wand from its holster.

"Severus?" he asked, aghast. Severus' robes were torn and his hair in disarray. He took a few steps towards Lucius and revealed a limp in his step and a deep gash on his cheek. Lucius opened a drawer and withdrew the few healing potions he kept there.

"Don't..." Severus said, putting up a hand. "I am fine, but I don't have much time."

Lucius healed Severus' cheek regardless of his supposed haste and allowed his fingers to linger there, Severus closing his eyes and leaning into his hand.

Desire flooded Lucius as he took in the dark lashes set against pale skin, the image of Severus undone with such a simple touch. Slowly, mindful of his injuries, he leaned down slightly and brushed Severus' lips with his own. A soft moan, the sound of something that had been denied for twenty years, tore through the room and Lucius was undone.

He leaned over Severus and opened his mouth and Severus quickly reciprocated, tongues and lips meeting, Severus' hands coming up to run through his hair. Lucius lost himself in the kiss, the smell of potions and burnt cotton invading his senses, and he wrapped himself around Severus, not willing to let go.

A pained grunt forced him back to reality and he released Severus' body, placing his hands back on his face.

"What's happened?" Lucius asked, trailing over the harsh cheekbones.

Severus' eyes snapped open, as though he had forgotten he was injured and bleeding.

"He knows."

So few words, and yet Lucius knew exactly what Severus meant by them and his hand stilled before he drew it away.

"How are you still alive?"

A lift of Severus' eyebrow was his only response.

"He'll look for you here," he said, even now thinking that the Dark Lord was on the list of wizards the wards allowed total access. "Why would you come here?" he asked in a whisper.

"This is the end, Lucius. Tomorrow Dumbledore will launch an attack that will end all of this. I need to know that you will not stop me..." Their eyes met and Severus leaned forward, impossibly close now, and spoke in a whisper, "It's not too late. Fight with me tomorrow and, when this is all over, your name will be championed as one of the few old families who fought on the right side."

Lucius took a step back, distancing himself from Severus. They'd had this argument before.

"I am not as concerned about being on the right side as you are, Severus. I prefer to be on the side that is victorious."

He walked to his desk and allowed his fingers to run over the fine wood, eager for his hands to do something when all they wanted was to touch Severus.

"You may be the most arrogant bastard I have ever known, but even you cannot approve of this..." Severus drifted off as he considered his words before he said, "waste."

"I have no love in my heart for Muggles, Severus. You know this is true."

"Having no love for Muggles does not translate to wanting all Muggleborns dead," he stated harshly.

'No,' Lucius thought. 'Not dead.'

"You're a better man than this. Fight with me tomorrow. Do the right thing for once."

Ah. It always came back to this.

"Our opinions on what is right and what is wrong tend to differ rather drastically, I think. You have the freedom of doing what you feel is right for the world at large. I, however, must think of my family and the continuation of our world."

"You hide your cowardice behind your family, you—"

Severus was cut off as Lucius' hand collided with his cheek. Dark hair covered his face for a moment, before pale skin and cold, black eyes were revealed, and Lucius thought Severus never looked more beautiful than when angry.

The gash on his cheek was open again and Severus spat blood onto Lucius' Persian rug. With none of his usual grace, Severus limped to the door, but not before pausing as he had the last time, as though a part of him was still praying for Lucius to change his mind.

Lucius filled his drink and looked at it, as though the answers to his problems were contained in its amber depth. He took one sip, then threw it into the fireplace, watching as the flames jumped for a moment, and sat back down.

He told himself he needed to be alert if he was going to help Severus tomorrow.

* * *

The last time began with Lucius and Severus sitting by the fireplace in Lucius' sitting room.

Severus had only been released from the infirmary—Hogwarts—and Lucius from the hospital—St. Mungo's—a day ago, yet here they were, disobeying doctors' orders by drinking copious amounts of alcohol, simply enjoying being in each other's company.

If the silence had started out as companionable, it became something else quickly. By the end of an hour, Lucius was nearly fidgeting in his seat and Severus was staring into the fire.

It felt like a turning point, and Lucius used the silence to contemplate his life.

Narcissa was gone. She'd left to stay with cousins in France and had made it quite clear that she wouldn't be back. Lucius' betrayal of the Dark Lord at the Final Battle had cemented her decision, which had been a long time coming.

He hardly noticed she was gone.

Draco was off at University, thriving, if his letters were to be believed. He was thrilled that his only son was succeeding and had shared his happiness with Severus.

Severus, who was now clearing his throat and rising.

"Well..." he said, looking at anything but Lucius. "I'm off. There is a potion that needs seeing to."

The excuse was ridiculous after all they had been through together, but Lucius didn't have the heart to say otherwise.

Putting his glass down on a side table, Severus glanced up and met Lucius' eyes.

There, hidden in their dark depth, was twenty years' worth of heartfelt offers and pleas. Lucius felt the breath leave his chest as he met Severus' intense stare, what felt like an entire lifetime of wasted moments between them.

It was a turning point and Lucius was shocked into stillness as he realized Severus was leaving again, disappointment and resignation flooding his expression as he turned to the door.

"Goodnight," he said, not looking back.

Lucius watched as Severus walked away, his step still impeded by his injury, but his back no less straight, his shoulders no less proud.

And in one single moment of clarity, Lucius knew that he could no sooner watch Severus leave again than deny his need for his next breath. The epiphany struck him as something he had always known and only now had the courage to admit.

"Severus," he said, standing up as Severus opened the door to leave.

Slowly, as though he could not dare to hope, Severus turned to face Lucius, an unheard question lying between them.

"Wait," Lucius said, then quickly moved to stand in front of him, a question asked and a question answered in the span of a heartbeat, without a word uttered.

"Be sure," Severus said in a desperate whisper.

"Yes," Lucius said, then crossed the remaining space between them. "Stay."

Another heartbeat and Lucius watched in wonder as a smile appeared on Severus' face. Heads leaned forward to meet each other in a kiss and Lucius embraced him, releasing a breath he'd held for twenty years and was only now free to release.

Resolved to hold onto him for the rest of his life, Lucius closed his eyes and exhaled.


End file.
